Online marketing explained with reference to cows

Starting a new blog or website can be a bit of a trial, but it's almost always more of a challenge to get people to come and visit it at first. Inevitably you end up having to go and read up on online marketing and that's where the fun and games begin.

If you've ever struggled to understand the lingo when it comes to promoting a website or blog online then the following list of definitions should help you to find your way around.

Social marketing

You have a cow.
You show some friends a clip of a man being hit in the crotch.
They tell their friends who pay money to come and look at your cow.

Social media

You have a cow.
You tell your friends.
People start listening to what you have to say.

Affiliate marketing

Your neighbor has a cow.
You show a film clip of a man being hit in the crotch.
You charge people to go see your neighbor's cow.

Traffic

You have a cow.
You put it on the side of the road.
People stop to look at it.

Spam

You have a cow.
You put it in the middle of the road, stopping traffic.
A few morons buy some viagra from you, making the initiative profitable.

SEO

You have a cow.
You put up a road sign with "Cow" in the title.
Passers by stop to look at your cow; you charge them for parking and sell them lemonade.

Content

You have a cow.
You write a novel about it.
A pig farmer copies your novel, paraphrases and publishes it as his own.

PageRank

You and your neighbor each have a cow.
You both put signs up to advertise your cows.
You pay someone to move your sign directly in front of the neighbor's in the middle of the night.

Advertising

You have a cow.
People pay you to paint their logos onto your cow.
Your cow looks like a billboard.

ROI (Return On Investment)

You have a cow.
You pay $50 to dye it pink.
People flock to buy tickets to see your cow; you earn $1000.

Conversion

You have a cow.
You refurbish the barn.
More people pay to look at the cow.

Reality

You have a cow.
No one cares.

If you still don't understand online marketing...

Don't have a cow, man.